my post-college decent into stupidity

i'm pretty sure i'm getting more and more stupid each day.  it's as though my four years of college education (preceded by 13 years of formal education via public school) were the peak of my intellectual stimulation and since graduation i've begun a rapid decent into stupidity.  

for example: while in college, i regularly found myself reading 4-5 books at a time (mostly a mixture of some densely written philosophy text, a bit of applied philosophy- usually ethics, some refreshingly light novel about reconciliation, a standard anthropology text and almost always something to aid in one's spiritual formation).  lately, however, i find even just one book difficult to get through and have resorted to reading a chapter here from mindlessly shallow book number one and then skipping to a chapter from similarly mindless and shallow book number two.  

example two:  while in college, i sought out ways to engage my intellect outside of class, engaging mindfully in culture through critiques of music and movies.  i enjoyed entertainment that made me think and that commented on our society at large and similarly enjoyed discussing these various movies and albums with friends over tea or the forbidden glass of wine.  these days, i can't seem to get enough of the mindless "chick-flicks"... i've even resorted to watching certain ones over and over again- each time hoping to find some redeeming value to thus justify my behavior- and each time failing miserably to do so.  on a similar note, i've become addicted to watching smutty tv-dramas online.  the beauty (and detriment) of online tv is that if you look hard enough, you can find just about every episode of every popular tv show and then watch an entire series from pilot to series finale in just over a month.  so far, i've completed multiple embarrassing shows and am on the hunt for my next mindless distraction.

example three:  while in college, i lived my life aware of how it affected others and how i as an individual was connected with the larger global community.  i co-lead a group of student-activists in pursuit to better educate our campus of world events and global issues,  and strove to be more mindful of the resources i used.  today, however, i catch myself letting the faucet run as i brush my teeth, or mindlessly unroll the toilet paper until half the roll is sitting in my lap read for use.  our neighborhood doesn't have a recycling program and so i've gotten lazy and now see just about everything as trash, and consider my 5 minutes of BBC headlines a day to be sufficient in staying up to date with world news.  

it's been nearly a year since graduation... 365 days of unraveling.  but as spring arrives and appropriately sparks feelings of hope, motivation and excitement, i am ready to shed my slothful-wintery state and begin anew.  my brain and body have had enough time to recover from the intensity of formalized academia and are ready to be exercised once again.  time to limit my intake of mind-numbing crap and reintegrate thoughtful, productive forms of entertainment.  

i may need some help getting started though.  do you have any book suggestions?  right now i'm big into memoir, but feel i need to branch out beyond this field and try my hand at some other forms of writing.  my friend mel always seems to have good suggestions- so in the off chance that no one responds.... :o)  (please respond, if you're out there).  

also, any good movies out there now?  i feel like i've been living under a rock for the last year and don't have any idea what's out and what's good... something about old men seems to ring a bell and maybe one called "there will be blood"... but i'm not sure what either of these are about.  i should probably shoot my former prof. postema an email and see what he has lined up for this year's film forum as he has impeccable taste regarding film.  

and on to music... help.  that's it.  that's all i need to say.

okay, i think i've adequately fulfilled my blogging quota for the day, now for sleep.

... one last minute comment relating to work, thank you to the man who efficiently went through my check out isle this afternoon with little to no delays.  it was kind of you to have the forethought to have your money ready and available for me to collect, and even more kind that you helped to bag your own groceries... sidenote:  for those of you that may shop at trader joe's and don't know the rules... you're supposed to bag your own groceries- i've seen 75 year old women successfully manage to put away multiple bags worth as i finish scanning everything leaving you with no excuse.  it's just plain rude to stand by and idly watch as i unload an entire grocery cart (or two!) onto the small check-out counter and then struggle to fit your newly purchased items into two double-paper bags- evenly balanced of course so you don't topple over on your way out to catch a cab.  just thought i'd let you know.

goodnight now and sweet dreams from my part of the world.

blogging as a replacement for tv

the at&t repair man, victor,  came by today to fix our internet connection.  it seems the majority of our exterior wiring was all mixed up, wires touching in places they shouldn't be and barely connected where they ought.  it's only been down for two days and my obvious dependence on this highly evolved technology has left me feeling somewhat uncomfortable.  i've survived without internet (and without other seemingly necessary things like pickles, shampoo, properly flushing toilets) for considerably longer periods of time throughout my life, what is it about this season that makes me feel so dependent upon technology?  

it's as though technology is the only thing keeping me connected to the world, either with the handful of soul-mates living on the other side of the planet or with the close friends and family i have scattered across the states.  even more-so, it's as though the technology of blogging has helped me feel better connected with my self, more challenged to articulate and therefore better able to understand my own thought processes.  

it felt silly at first, admitting to myself (and to you) the vast number of times i thought about blogging while our internet was down.  but if someone as respectable as jenell can admit to being obsessed with blogging, then at least i'm in good company.  the truth is, i'm constantly blogging in my head.  have you ever watched scrubs?  well, i feel like JD (or Dr. Dorian) with his "floating-head-doctor."  JD is constantly floating off into his own world where he narrates his life in order to better understand his experiences.  i feel like i have my own "floating-head-blogger" as my mind escapes real life to imagine what i would say if i were to blog about it.  not sure what i mean?  well, imagine me sitting on the bus, staring aimlessly out the window, or better yet, standing at the register at work, mindlessly scanning bottles of wine and bags of frozen peas.  i appear to be on auto-drive, like those broomsticks from fantasia that keep filling the well with bucket after bucket of water, only for me, it's groceries, and while my mind may seem to be blank, it's actually racing with ideas about proper sentence structure and which amusing anecdote would fit better in this particular scenario.  i can't help it.  not only am i bagging cart after cart of groceries, all done at an increasing pace as the crescendo to fantasia builds in the background, but my imagination also picks up speed as it jumps from one idea to another, following a crazy rabbit trail of thoughts that even i can't understand.  most days i feel insane.  

is this the life of a writer? always living in one's head?  or is this just me?  seems i've been living in my head for some time now... maybe blogging is my way of getting outside myself, (not totally since i'm still writing about myself), but taking my inner thoughts and putting them out for the world (okay i guess world may be going a bit too far... how about for the small handful of readers... mostly consisting of friends who i've begged to read this so i can be assured of some semblance of an audience...).  maybe blogging will help calm the chaos and provide a bit of structure to the wandering imagination.  or maybe i'll just meander through these rabbit trails of thoughts, taking you along for the ride.